All I want for Christmas…

Because

Because I don’t feel like writing: my brain isn’t too coherent tonight.
Becuase I think this piglet is cute.
Because I feel like spiting my fourth grade teacher who said never to start a sentence with the word “because.”
Because tomorrow is Monday and I don’t have to go to the store and work.
Becuase I am going to try and write more often, which seems to be a theme in my life.
Because I have hope that it will get better (the writing).
Because, well, just because.

Checking in…

Goodness, it has been so long ago that I last wrote regularly that it makes me wonder if anyone even reads this blog anymore. I apologize for keeping everything to myself and not sharing with you.

The past few weeks have given me opportunities to sub at the kids’ school. I have LOVED those days of getting paid to [litterally] just have FUN. Ok. so there is some minor work involved, but it is FUN work. I am still getting paid by the kids who I have worked with. One second grader asked me yesterday [while I was subbing for preK], “When are you going to sub again?” meaning for the TA who is in charge of the Enrichment club he is a member of. YAY! I get hugs and smiles from first graders, and “HI BRADY’s MOM!” from kindergartners. Preschool doesn’t know what to call me: Aunty Hilary? Ms. Hilary? Hope’s mom? I get all three… one girl is so cute [I will spell my name how she pronounces it]: Miss Hell’a'wee.
I love hanging out in the classrooms wheather or not I get paid. One of my favorite books is The Courage to Teach by Parker Palmer. It talks about the inner landscape of the teacher and being true to yourself as a teacher. It requires you to know who you are and to teach from that. It brings into mind a quote I picked up from one of our seminars during the MiT program at WSU-V. “What comes from the heart will go to the heart.” or maybe it was even from the book! I just know I wrote it down in my red notebook I wrote all the best stuffs in. The Courage to Teach is my companion book to Living a Purpose*Full Life by Jan Johnson. I know that teaching and helping kids makes me feel the closest to the REAL me [and creating things]. I am on the right page when I am teaching (or tutoring) or cutting out construction paper shapes or sprinkling glitter on glue with the kids.
Where am I going with this? Well, I would rather spend all my hours at school for FREE than be a cashier and get paid. Getting paid to collect money, get cussed at specifically and in general, etc., etc., etc. just doesn’t fill my heart with joy. I have to search harder for the purpose. My purpose there is well, yeah, obviously a paycheck, but there just has to be MORE or it is hard to endure. I just think there has to be more to life than what is ostentatiously seen by all. I think I have had some glimpses to a deeper purpose… and I am going to try it. I guess starting tonight when I close this evening. more on that later.

I was sick last week. In fact I missed a few days of work during that week, which sure made it hard to go back.

Being sick, I missed B’s SoccerFest. I was really looking forwards to going. Not that I see myself as a “soccer mom” but because B seems to have FUN with soccer and I have made friends with this year’s moms on our team. GO DRAGONS! I will share a picture with you (and if you are on FaceBook you can see more pictures: I will try to also get a password protected album up here for friends to check out).

More to come… I would hate to shock your system with too much information all at once. oh. Speaking of TMI! Our neighbor is so LOUD. It is ubelievable just how darn loud he is. We have had to play music the last couple nights so that we can sleep without listening to the coughing, wretching, puking noises upstairs. Sheesh. Never mind the loud TV… or the talking and visiting. Tonight the broomstick comes out if it happens again. LOL. Funny, talking about broomsticks when tomorrow is Hallowe’en. LOL.

Psych 101

Seriously, I could use this cashier job that I have as psych lab credit. Just this week-end, an older woman came through my line and paid with a check. She refused to sign the paper reciept that authorized the store to do an electronic transfer of funds. That is fine with me, she has that right. She then got all huffy (I bet she expected me to make her sign!) and told me, “NO!” that it was such a waste of paper; I had her check and that was good enough. Ok. I didn’t react at all, said it was “ok” and gave her reciept, and of coursed thanked her. Her good-bye was calm and it was as if she hadn’t just gotten all worked up.
The next couple in line had some comments to make, but it got me to thinking. Her reaction had nothing to do with a waste of paper, really. I told the gal (hey, she was younger than me, so OK for the Aunty/Teacher in me to give a lecture!) that really, it was all about change being difficult for the elderly. She gave me a blank stare so I knew I hadn’t effectively communicated what had just happend. LOL.
It was a moment for the woman that gave her control over a situation she was uncomfortable with. She was still using checks (the couple’s comments included switching to debit if she wanted to save paper), so she probably isn’t comfortable with technology… but she isn’t going to tell people that… she might not even consciously understand the issue at hand, but justifying “saving paper” she feels better about the situation. She is in control. In her way she is putting her foot down and not allowing the technology to change her. It really had nothing to do with saving paper at all.
Now, then, in seminar we would talk about it and it really could be about paper! Not wanting to sign the extra slip of paper and having another reciept print out for her to take home in addition to her register/store receipt. Isn’t it great how psych and statistics interpret the data and come up with thier own conclusion? Not having done a case study on this woman, it is purely conjecture and transference (wow: I used that word today twice now–and in two different contexts: wierd.) of what I know that brought me to this premise.
Where am I going with this? I guess that I have too much time to think about stuff doing laundry. I hate laundry. My laundry mountains rival the Na Pali Coast… (we are getting caught up, thankfully). I have to think creatively at work sometimes; it is how I deal with being a cashier and having difficult customers: they become psych lab patients, or book characters.

I had best get back to my list of things to do. Not only laundry, but I need to make sure I have room on my camera for soccer pictures this afternoon. I was volunteered to take B’s team’s photos. We picked today…and IT. IS. RAINING. This should be lovely. I keep praying that the weather will be OK once it is time to take the photos.

Happy Birthday, Hope!

In the morning will be our daughter Hope’s 3rd birthday. Always at this time, I am drawn into a reflective mood. One can’t help but remember such a moment in time when their baby has decided to arrive over three weeks ahead of “his” due date, and one week ahead of “his” scheduled due date! ROFL. Yes, we had our double surprise of “him” (Matthew) being much earlier than expected, and then we had a girl instead! Thankfully we had decided on a girl name back before we “found out” what we were having!
I was so not prepared! I had been fooled into thinking that with a scheduled cesarean I would be lucky and not have to go through any labor pains. HAHAHAH (evil, sarcastic laugh). With Braden I was mentally prepared (for the most part). With Hope, I was not prepared, so it hurt worse and was almost unbearable because I felt out of control… it was hard to gain control over it all because I wasn’t ready! NO! I wasn’t supposed to feel any pain (ROFL) with this birth (never mind the the post surgery pain: that was a different issue altogether that I was dreading). My goodness. Let us focus on the moment when they took “him” out instead (although that felt more like they were standing on my chest and pulling as hard as they could. Ha: “You won’t feel pain, but you might feel some tugging” ha!). “Is it a boy?” I asked (hypothetically, of course. We all knew it was a boy). “It is too early to tell,” and then moments later, “It’s a girl!” Jack told them to look again, and I just cried and cried. They let me see her before wisking her away to be cleaned and her vitals taken. She was beautiful. In fact, that is what the nurse said, before I was able to even see her. I would agree. She still is.
Part two:

There is so much on my heart right now. Every year I want to write a tribute to my great gramma as Hope shares a birthdate with her. But every year the words I type seem inadequate to what I am really feeling. I have been thinking about my grandma and what I would say for days now… months really, but it isn’t enough. I really miss my (great) grandmother. She died the day after my 21st birthday. I never did anything “special” for that birthday. Mom had gone to be with her when it was clear the end was near. Even now, I just stare at the screen, remembering the last time I held Grandma’s hand, the look in her eyes… I wish she could see my family. I wish she could give me another hug, write me another letter… but I know this for certain, that I WILL see her one day again in heaven. What a day that will be! To see Jesus! To meet God face to face and see my great grandma again! I love you, Grandma!
I am glad that Hope shares her birthday!
Tomorrow I have to work until three…then we will have cake and open presents and I am not sure what… the kids want to go to the Fair…but I don’t know. We will see. I hope that I have enough wrapping paper to wrap Hope’s gifts…

Let me leave you with a photo from the archives. I will have tomorrow’s photos up “soon.” (Not sure where infant photos of the birthday girl are–on a disk somewhere!)

This was taken not long after her first birthday…

And more recent:

and:

So, Good night for now!

Happy birthday, Sweetheart!

Hilary’s Photos and other excuses

Aloha. I see it has been ages since last I wrote.
I have excuses (I call them reasons, but Jack says they are excuses, whatever).
Within this past month, I have been working on a new website so that I can share some of my favorite photographs with the world. It has been a fun art project for me since I don’t seem to actually get pics printed for the scrapbook. I would rather not let you know how many years I am behind in scrapbooks and photo albums. I have put a link on the side bar to HILARY’s PHOTOS. The address: http://im2hilariousphotos.wordpress.com/ Check it out and don’t be afraid to make comments! Mahalo! You can find photos such as this on my new site:

Also in the past month, I have searched for and secured a part time job at a local retail/department store. Sorry. Don’t feel like revealing my physical location to the world! If you know me, you already know…or should know. I do need to call both Gramma W. and Grandma V. soon. They might not know yet… this job is to pay for the kids’ school tuition (particularly Hope’s). I am keeping days open for subbing and hopefully to find a teaching job…my heart is in teaching, not taking money from people, although it can be rather entertaining being a cashier. I have sold more cigarettes than I ever thought possible, but I still feel bad for selling stuff I know is truly hurting the people buying it. I thought I could get past it, but I haven’t. It is worse selling to the ones that are only 19 or 20… I like the people I work with. Everyone has been super nice and friendly!
When I first started work, I was too exhausted to try and write here… I was too tired to hardly walk back to my locker and then all the way across the store again to get to my car. I must be acclimating now because I don’t get so tired and yikes, look at me now, writing you all when I should be sleeping. I get the next two days off and we get to sleep in tomorrow morning because the kids are on half days (and Hope doesn’t even go tomorrow).
Wow. There is so much to tell you all, that I could write pages.
You know you all can call me…and I can call you back since we have unlimited long distance.
I will close for now…and will write more another day. I still need to post picturs of SOCCER and the kids’ first day of KINDERGARTEN and PRESCHOOL. How is that even possible?
Hey. Today TWO people asked me if I was old enough to sell alcohol and cigarettes. Thank you!

Christmas in July

Last night the kids and I discovered that we have five months left until Christmas. We stayed up late watching a movie. We had had a very full and busy day with late naps, so I decided to just go with it and we would watch a movie and then go to bed. The kids had chosen to watch The Polar Express which seemed appropriate because it has been so hot and humid; maybe watching snow and a trip to the North Pole would make us feel cool. To keep the lights low, I put out a short string of Christmas lights. Funny, but yesterday was the 25th!

It was a fun day. Brady had his last flag football game (which they won; but who was counting?). We hung around afterwards for the potluck and the kids got thier trophies. Right afterwards we headed to Lydgate to a baby luau. The food there was amazing! Yummmm. The kids got a lot of candy and had fun yesterday so in a small way, it was “like Christmas!”

So, not to be the one to start the Christmas Countdown, but we now have less than five months to go! Braden wanted to know just exactly how many sleeps we would have before Christmas. I still don’t feel like doing the math. Besides, it would be more days and nights than he could grasp at this time anyhow! I am more concerned with the first countdown of one month and three days until Hope’s 3rd birthday. I am not sure if we are going to keep it family or let her invite her best friends over: which would be RAYVEN! and SYDNEY! Sorry for the bold caps. This is exactly how Hope would say it… I can hear her in my head right now.

my birthday check list as follows:
–PURPLE cake
–rice (I am sure she means white rice)
–pasta
–turkey burgers (I asked and she was OK with this)
–hamburger buns (homemade? not sure yet)
–brownies (we will see)
–purple decorations (might add some pink or green in there too!)
–a number “3″ candle (it is in the pantry, please don’t let me forget)
–matches (wonder if I have any… probably should get some just in case, I could use the extra for our emergency kit–it is hurricane season after all. Speaking of which, I probably should look in there, as I bet there is a flame thrower in there already. That would work even better.)

Oh… our anniversary is even sooner than Hope’s birthday. I sure don’t want to forget that! That count down is in 16 days. It will be 8 years for Jack and I.

Hope’s Birthday Wish

I was sitting here in the computer chair with Hope on my lap. She informed me, “I want a shirt for my birthday.”
“You want a shirt for your birthday?”
“Yes.”
It was determined also that she wants a scooter of her own as well.
“…and a little car…” (thinking) “…and a BIKE! Can I have a little bike?”
(she got a trike for her birthday last year)
I asked her what kind of birthday cake she would like: “Purple.” (Last year’s cake was all PINK).
In reply to what she would like to eat on her birthday, she said, “Cake.”
I asked for more than just “cake.” Hope thought some before answering, “I want rice.”
anything else? “I want brownies! I love brownies!”
other menu items included “pasta”
what kind of pasta? Blue. (HM)
“I would be SO happy!”
“If you had what?”
“Cake! I very love it!”

Sounds like it is going to be fun. Can you believe she will be three next month?

PLAYGROUND!

In Phase IV of our apartment complex (we are Phase I) there is a brand new playground. It is really neat. Jack took the kids up there yesterday to check it out. I walked up there today with the kids. There are nice benches (made out of recycled plastic to look like wood: LOL) to sit on while the kids play. There is a great view of the ocean up in the Phase IV playground. We saw the cruise ship (either Pride of America, or Pride of Aloha) as we were walking back and it appeared huge! We were impressed.

I wasn’t impressed with the little kids though. They kept riding their bikes around the play structure and leaving their scooters to be tripped over. Then Hope had found a stick on the ground and was playing with it (you would think she was already in softball, the way she was hitting it around. She followed through very well: and has no clue to what she was doing, but that is beside the point). Just before we left, a boy (probably four or five) tried to take the stick away from her. Let us just say he was completely unsuccessful in taking it away from her. She is a strong little chick! We left after that. It was getting hot out there, so the timing was fine. We left the stick behind, so he was able to play with it later: the stinker.

Hope

Hope had an “aha!” moment yesterday. She realized that scissors and raisins have the same sounds in them. Since then, when we talk about letters or sounds she smiles and starts repeating, “Scissors! Raisins! Scissors! Raisins.” She came up with these two words on her own. Braden joined the game (he just can’t be left out when Hope is getting attention!) with, “Raisins! Reason!”

Books have become Hope’s choice of activity. She “reads” books on her own, she wants to be read to all the time and she sleeps with two little board books that she likes in particular: “Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb” (which they sadly left out the “Hello, Jack! Hello, Jake, shake hands shake hands, shake, shake, shake” pages: which were the best), and “The Eye Book.” Bet you didn’t know you could actually cuddle up with a good book.